Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to grow up to be a vampiress. And the fact that I read vampire novels by the fistful doesn't help the matter. My favorite is The Horrifying Tale of Mrs. Trollope by Martin Dubow. Every night I dream of waking up as Mrs. Trollope. And this morning, I actually think I did. Bare your lovely throat for me, my pet, so that I may partake of that red and viscous Miracle Mineral which flows so liberally throughout your veins.